Activists, Anger, Arrogance, Balance, Boundaries, Butting in, Conscious evolution, Feminine strength, Forgiveness, Injustice, Letting go, Masculine strength, Moon cycle, New moon in Pisces, Non-judgement, Non-reactivity, Non-violent resistance, Personal responsibility, Respect, Retribution, Supporting others, Water signs
In January of this year, a situation entered my life that rocked my world. It was a situation in which there was injustice and hidden agendas and inferences and manipulation and cover-ups and exposures and righteousness and arrogance and old-world values clashing with new-world practices. Fury raged through my veins and I became eloquent as I sought to fire up a crusade against the perpetrators.
I stewed and roiled and wallowed in this situation for several weeks as it consumed every part of my life…even my dreams. My inner life became a seething mass of emotions ready to fight against all the injustices of the world…and let me tell you, there are a LOT of them…everywhere I looked there was another one just asking, nay, begging to be exposed through my scrutinizing eye.
And then came February with the challenge to follow the pleasure throughout its moon cycle, and I was forced to admit that some part of this riling experience was pleasurable. I had energy. I had focus. I had drive. I loved the way words came together so easily to shame and humiliate another…way easier than taking candy from a baby. Seriously…has anyone actually tried to take candy from a baby? Not easy.
But somewhere in the midst of all this pleasure seeking, I was challenged to examine this particular type of pleasure to see if it really offered a freeing pleasure…a nourishing pleasure…a pleasure that resulted in unconditional love and generosity…a pleasure that was willing to find connection between factions rather than differences…a pleasure that created harmony rather than dissent…a pleasure that allowed me to feel peace and rest in the midst of chaos rather than creating more.
I neither welcomed nor appreciated this challenge. It seemed anti-climactic…boring…passive…victimizing…weak. And I was in no mood to exhibit weakness. There were bad guys to be exposed and brought to justice! Just writing about all of this is getting my blood pressure up and my adrenaline cruising again…which isn’t necessarily a bad thing because I have some major box-packing to do for an upcoming move.
Then several pieces of information came together for me…from others…repeatedly…in the same theme…until finally I got the message.
The first piece came to me through a group of friends who visited their childhood homes in Africa and posted fabulous and amazing photographs of their adventures. One picture was of a wide, open sky littered with pockets of cumulus clouds over a wind-swept bushveld through which elephants roamed freely. This picture reminded me of the freedom I felt when I too roamed such spaces, singing at the top of my lungs or lying on the sweet-smelling grass as the giraffe and Thomson’s Gazelle grazed around me. Remembering, my heart opened, my chest physically lifted, deepened, and widened. In this space, all the best parts of me came together at once. I felt generous…connected…joyous…adventerous…excited…silly…energized…confident.
In another picture, my friends held, sat with, petted, played, and leaned up against cheetahs, lions, and a hyena. Honestly, I’m not that afraid of lions…and only slightly nervous around cheetahs. I certainly have a healthy respect for them and their capacity to harm me…which is quite great. However, I have always been able to see beyond the destructive capacity and also see their kind and compassionate sides…never once struggling to harmonize those two seemingly opposing aspects.
Of the hyena, on the other hand, I am not such a fan. In fact, my disgust and abhorrence for the hyena could only have been matched by my fear of snakes. And yet…here was one who was demonstrating completely different attitudes and behaviors from any hyena I had ever encountered. It was loving…and snuggly…and playful with humans…and loved a good joke. Its movements, which I always saw as sinister, clumsy, and deceptive way before The Lion King existed, were graceful and elegant.
I didn’t like this shift of perception. I liked having this animal be an enemy. I liked the separation between the good (me) and the bad (hyena). I liked being “the good guy” and having allies against “the bad guy.” It’s how I made friends…it’s how I determined who was in my community.
And here was the problem. If hyena was no longer bad, then that meant what? I was no longer good? If the hyena was no longer bad, then did that also mean I didn’t really have a community? I no longer had a place? I no longer belonged? If the hyena was good, how could I define myself? If the hyena was good…what was left to fight against?
The answer came to me came in the form of a sermon I heard as a result of performing for a church service. It had been a really long time since I’ve spent much time with the Christian scriptures, and I almost laughed with delight when the texts for the sermon came from a passage that I had loved when I was younger…Matthew 5:38-6:34. The best part was that I heard these texts in a completely new way…with fresh eyes and insight into my present swirling emotional dilemma.
This particular passage is actually an instruction manual for non-violent resistance. It also talks about restraint of the emotions through appropriate justice, avoiding revenge or excessive retaliation, personal responsibility, and using personal power without disempowering another. It talks about being more concerned with daily living practices than preaching; about allowing…and flowing…and how to avoid suffering by suggesting that we welcome what is to exist.
And then this part kept echoing through my thoughts:
And which of you by worrying can add even one hour to his life?
What does it mean by worrying?
I know that worrying often means being excessively concerned about a possible negative outcome of a situation…excessive being the key, and nebulously defined word. But…what if worrying also included obsessive thoughts…about anything. If so, did that mean I wasn’t supposed to worry about anything? What about all the injustices in the world? Don’t I have a responsibility to speak out against them? What about all the people who need help? Don’t I need to help them? What about all the people who are so clearly evil and wrong? Don’t I need to expose them? Censure them? Punish them?
But I say to you, do not resist the evildoer…love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be like your Father in heaven, since he causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
This Buddhist/Hindu/Spiritual perspective is here too?
I like the resistance and the righteous indignation and the crusade speeches. Except the part where my stomach gets knotty…oh, and the part where I don’t sleep so well…and oh, the part where I start distrusting everyone…and oh…the part where nothing in my life is good because I’m consumed by all the horrid things around me.
How the hell does this get transformed???
…don’t worry saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear?’ For…your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But above all pursue his kingdom and righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
What does that even mean…to “pursue his kingdom and righteousness?”
And this was the final piece…a Tall Cups session with Aleya Dao. I had been sending messages to her Higher Self for several weeks…messages around this disturbing situation, wondering how to handle, engage, and resolve it. And, during this latest session, a vital segment addressed my questions…with an elegant, and forgotten insight around personal responsibility and self-empowerment.
All this time, I had been trying to fight fights that weren’t mine. Mostly…my body deva had been trying to fight fights that weren’t hers. The more we got involved in situations that didn’t belong to us, the more we disempowered those who were actually involved. And, by getting involved, we took on the responsibility for the situation even though there was absolutely no way we could actually do anything about it…because it didn’t belong to us. And, as long as we kept the responsibility on us, those to whom it actually belonged couldn’t recognize it as theirs…which meant they were also unable to stand up for themselves and solve it for themselves. By getting unnecessarily involved, we were acting arrogantly…demonstrating a hidden belief that we know better than the other people, and that they weren’t wise enough or strong enough or capable enough to take care of themselves. In essence, such actions were the ultimate form of disrespect to another being. And it felt awful.
All I had to do was pull my responsibility and power back to myself…in all dimensions and lifetimes where I express myself, and send every one else’s back to where it rightfully belonged…along with all appropriate information, where it has the capacity to be received. Then, I invited my body deva and team to do the same. Change-o presto! Balance and peace was restored…even though my mind was still struggling to reconcile this habitual perception and perspective with the practice that my heart just chose.
Bottom line, my lesson and message for this moon cycle is this:
- Allow, or even welcome, what is to exist,
- Mind my own business through keeping my mouth shut while focusing on living according to my internal connection upwards,
- Find strength through a present connection to the heart’s guidance, and
- Let go of the rest.
And so it is.