Brene Brown, Communication, Emotional healing, Emotional release, Fear, Higher self, Integration, Letting go, Making room for the new, Mercury Retrograde, Practicing, Relationships, Safety, Unknown, Vulnerability
As one who is fairly addicted to TedTalks, I remember being surprised when a friend sent me Brene Brown’s talk on vulnerability. For a talk so popular I couldn’t believe that it hadn’t already crossed my path…until I listened to it. I felt as though she was talking words out of my mouth. Except, those words were not words I was even willing to admit to myself much less verbalize to anyone else. For me, vulnerability is the single most terrifying experience of my life. So, I’m pretty sure that had this talk actually crossed my path, and it may have, I would have avoided it based on the title alone.
My fear of being vulnerable doesn’t sound like that big of a deal until you learn that I have stared down the barrel of an AK-47 more times than I can count, I was gassed one night so the house could be robbed, I lived through a government coup as rebels ran through my back yard shooting at each other, I’ve had a black mamba snake fall on me, a viper run over my foot, and almost stepped on a puff adder, I’ve slept in a game preserve where the only thing between me and the elephants, lions, hippos, and honey badgers was the thin fabric of my tent, I went away to boarding school at 15 in a foreign country where I had to live in a large building with lots of girls and strict supervision (all my friends until then had been boys and I pretty much wandered the countryside as I wished), and then I moved “back” to the U.S. at the age of 18. My U.S. adventures aren’t included in this paragraph.
Despite all of these, and many many more challenging and scary situations, I think I’d still rather experience any or all of these again before choosing to be vulnerable with someone. Vulnerability, for me, is the single most unsafe act I could possibly do…and in order to be in relationships with others, I get to face this paralyzing fear regularly.
The beginning of Mercury Retrograde offered such an opportunity to me. To be perfectly honest, I was blindsided by the opportunity and almost instantly overwhelmed with a surge of emotions…emotions I had absolutely no idea were there, much less the intensity of them. I tried to communicate them to the appropriate person, despite the paralyzing fear, and all I can say is that I’m grateful for the practice…for I did it extraordinarily poorly and definitely hurt the other person in the process…definitely the last thing I wanted to do.
As the week has progressed, more and more emotions and desires and wishes and stories and behavioral patterns and impulses have come flying to my awareness, threatening to devour or drown me. At one point, all I could do was just sit in the swirly muck of it all and just cry. Nothing made any sense to me. I had no idea what I was feeling or why or what to do about it…I was just feeling…feeling it all…and all at once.
And this is the most uncomfortable bit of it…I can’t resolve it right now. I have to wait. On me, to figure out my inner self in all of this upheaval so that I can communicate in the way I desire to, and on the other person, should he/she choose to continue a conversation with me at some point. The vulnerability of waiting, not knowing the outcome and not knowing what’s coming next has me facing the issue of safety even more deeply. It also has me walking a tightrope with my heart…constantly seeking that balanced point of protection and simultaneous openness…always aware of the fragile moment that might result in slipping out of balance and unable to focus on the task at hand.
Is it possible to be vulnerable and safe? According to Brene Brown and many others, the answer is yes. I haven’t mastered this art yet…I’m still learning to find it, and it’s challenging my every breath at the moment. So, in case you too are needing some support in this three-week deep, emotional awareness and cleansing of Mercury Retrograde with eclipses, here are some practices I’ve learned so far:
1. Sit on the Earth. Wallow in mud if you want. I climbed a tree and fell asleep in the crook of the trunk. The nature kingdom is here to support us with unconditional love and it will absorb a lot of our purged and released fears and limiting beliefs so we can have space for the new, and lighter way of being.
2. Let go. Fear of the unknown causes the opposite…contraction and stifling and clinging. Yes, it’s scary in the unknown, but we’re going there anyway, so letting go and allowing the inevitable to happen results in less suffering. This is a breath-to-breath existence for me right now.
3. Ask for support from your team and your Guides. Since this dimension is simply a holographic reflection of another dimension and it takes a while to reflect here, this situation has not only already happened, but the solution already exists as well. Additionally, since it’s much easier and more efficient to resolve things in higher dimensions, do the work in dream time in a higher dimension and then reflect that healing and solution down to you in this dimension. Invite your team and body deva to do the same.
4. Go deep within and find the still point within your Divine Line. Model this to the body deva so stuff can just come up and out and you don’t have to engage with it if you don’t want to. Remembering you don’t have to is the challenge…at least for me.
5. Fill your Divine Line with increased self-love, self-control, empowerment, humility, and tenderness. Fill it to the degree that will support your greatest happiness. For only when we are filled and overflowing with these traits can we truly give unconditionally, with no expectation on another.
6. Pull all your safety off of everyone, everything, environments, circumstances, relationships, emotions, behaviors, stories, contracts, promises, money, jobs, possessions, hopes for the future, the past, and society…in all dimensions and all lifetimes. Bring it back to you at the level of your Higher Self, cleansed, cleared and recalibrated to this present breath of now. And then release all safety that others have put onto you in some capacity…your boss, your company, your bank, your government, your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends etc. Send it all back to its right and perfect place, where it has the capacity to be received, along with all relevant and appropriate information. Invite your body deva and team to do the same.
7. Activate the lessons in each situation so that they don’t have to be repeated…or else if they do, they don’t have to be as traumatic. Ask your Higher Self to do this with the aid of the Guides…invite your body deva and team to do the same.
8. Forgive yourself for trying to be someone other than who you are, and ask the Guides to teach you how to love and appreciate and integrate the challenging aspects of yourself so that you can use these skills and traits in a higher vibratory way.
9. Practice, practice, practice. And then practice some more. We do the opposite of that which we intend to master until we gain enough experience that we flip to practice that which we intend to master. And, this is the card I have pulled every single day this week…practice.
10. Love is eternal and limitless. Ask the Guides to assist you in being willing to open your heart to receive all the love that surrounds you…even if it’s not in the form you want it to be.
And so it is.