As spiritual beings, our souls are vast, expansive, and endless. We are aware of our interconnectedness and the effects each action or inaction has on every other living being. Possibilities are seemingly infinite, and we learn and shift with much less effort than in this dimension.
In this dimension, the energy is dense and distorted. Things happen much more slowly and time is linear rather than simultaneous. Polarity exists, as do limitations. One such limitation is the amount of energetic space one being can hold…meaning that a person can only do so much or be in contact with so many people before he or she is maxed out. If that person wants to add anything more to his/her life or begin something new, something else must first be released.
This Mercury Retrograde has a lot to accomplish. It is the first one of 2013, and the first one since the pivot shift points of 12-12-12 and 12-21-12. Therefore, this is the first time humanity has had an opportunity to fully integrate, rest, and complete all the shifts around the New Year and the beginning of a new energetic cycle. As a result, many patterns are completing…patterns that have been in place for many years or many lifetimes. Some of these endings will be a great relief…others will be disorienting. Either way, this completion is the ending that is needed in order to make room for something new to come in.
Processing endings can be challenging. For me, as a Third-Culture Kid, endings have been particularly painful, because they mean separation from people I love dearly. Even after returning to the United States and slowing down the separating cycles, those traumas and emotions always surface whenever there is a separation…whenever there is an ending. This pattern, in the face of a particularly challenging ending, is ready to complete in me during this Mercury Retrograde…the pattern and belief that endings are painful and are to be avoided.
For that is what I usually do. I avoid anything and anyone associated with the ending. I look for ways to distract myself from the issue that’s staring at me…I’ll clean my house, go shopping, go for walks, go to parties, talk on the phone, watch TV, play video games, fill my calendar with all sorts of engagements and social situations just so that I can avoid this thing…this ending. I don’t consciously know I’m doing this until later, so I’m learning to be aware of this coping mechanism in the future.
What comes along with this distracting and avoiding pattern is an emotional shut-down and an internal disconnect with my soul. Because I’m scared to feel pain, I deny that anything is actually happening. I pretend that my denial can postpone or halt the ending altogether…or spare me from feeling the pain if I can’t. Instead, I increasingly distance myself from everyone and everything that I love until I am so miserable and so alone that the only thing left is this truth I’ve been avoiding.
This is when I’m grateful that I know that my body can only sustain an intense emotional state for a maximum of three minutes. Otherwise, I’d be terrified that the magnitude of emotion would engulf me beyond survival. As I face the truth and the parts of me I’ve been denying, floods of emotions and tears swell over, through, and around me…swirling, ebbing, flowing, and ebbing again. I feel a sense of relief as the disconnect resolves…marveling yet again at the wisdom of my childhood African cultures’ habit of keening and wailing in the face of grief. They really know how to move with and through the pain of endings. So, I surrender to this wisdom…welcoming the release.
On the other side, there’s a tremendous peaceful acceptance of this truth. I am aware that the post-nasal drip I’ve had for the past three weeks is now gone…as have any issues with breathing…all the places grief is held in the body. I am once again connected with myself…aware of my emotions as they move and shift in each moment. I can care for myself with compassion and tenderness…allowing myself simply to be and experience all there is. In this state, I can be present to the beauty of something ending…for there is indeed beauty in completion…the final pieces coming together after so much time and energy has been put into the project. Understanding, insight, and wisdom accompany completion…as do miracles of support from the Universe. In this space, I can heal the pattern…I can release the pain.
This Mercury Retrograde will probably bring up at least one cycle that is ready to be completed…if it hasn’t already. This is exactly the perfect time to face these things…issues…endings…completions. Try not to avoid this experience. By avoiding it, you will create a block to the things you wish to manifest and are lined up to begin after Mercury goes direct. Instead, allow yourself to fully be present, facing the inevitable. Flow with the rise and fall of the emotions, allowing them to help you cleanse and purge all that is ready to be released. Then watch for the exquisite beauty that exists in the completion…even in the midst of pain…and surrender to the awe, the joy, the sorrow, the gratitude…receiving the wisdom and blessings with love.
And so it is.